A Letter to my Fiancé 

Dear Amanda, 

  Stamp prices are outrageous and no one uses the U.S postal service. Check your electronic mail (e-mail) once and awhile. My penmanship is atrocious and there are people in other countries that would die for this ink. Literally people have died for ink. Seriously lady I may as well be writing in blood.

  Well anyway… now that we’ve covered the formalities derived from writing in a dead and/or archaic language delivered via a pony that is neither existent nor express let’s get to the point. Not directly to the point, I like to skip around a bit. Like the four legged courier of this message I will get to the point at my own leisure. 

  Can’t we just go back to hieroglyphics? Not actual hieroglyphics because I don’t know the language and I can’t draw. I mean when will we revert to communicating solely by emoticons? Writing requires way too much thinking (pondering face)(crying face). All you need to know is that you make me (smiling face) and that I (heart) you. 

  That’s the entire point of this letter. I told you I would meander my way to it. I love you Amanda, in so many ways and in so many more words. I love you so verbosely that it could border on annoyance to those that are unfortunate enough to not know what passion is or simply dislike reading rambling writings. But we don’t like those people anyone, we don’t like much of anyone actually. Perhaps I shall write another letter.
Much Love, Dan

Dear Everyone, 
  Amanda and I do not like you, nor do we perceive any situation in the foreseeable future in which we will accidentally like you. Please leave us alone unless you are a dog.

      Love, Amanda and Dan

P.s we are not paying for this postage and we expect you will reciprocate us for said postage in your corresponding letter.