I spent a long time trying to be a little bit different from myself. A little nicer, a little more charming, a little richer, a little more caring, a little bit away from who I am so that I could be a little more appealing. The one thing I have always been is a writer, someone looking for perfect words.
To a lot of people those words are “I love you”. I had heard those words, I had said those words, I had seen so many people use those words without meaning. But the words that changed my life were as bitter as they were sweet.
The day thus far had been as good as any I’d had that year. Her and I having drinks with a couple of good friends. Nothing unforgettable but with someone I knew I wouldn’t forget. I was already feeling content as we got home and prepared to go to bed. I still vividly remember her smile before I turned off the lights.
The room was darker than the tarnishes on both of hearts as we laid next to each other that night. We held hands despite usually sharing a mutual dislike for it. We hadn’t expected to end up here. Not when we first started talking, not after our first date, not even the night before when we decided it was best to be done. We both knew we wouldn’t have many more nights together.
Her head laid on my chest, her warmth the only comfort I would need to fall asleep. As we both slowly slipped into slumber she broke the silence with the words I never knew I needed to hear. “You’re going to make someone very happy some day”.
I couldn’t see her saying it and though she whispered I felt it loud and clear. In typical fashion I made a joke but I knew what it was. A farewell before we had to say goodbye and something to keep me hopeful after she was gone. A more perfect ending than I could ever write.
I’ve talked to a lot of people since then. Some romantically, most just to avoid being rude. But since that night no words from myself or anyone else have meant as much to me or made me believe in myself more.
There are many ways to tell someone that you care about them. We don’t know which words are going to be unforgettable. Sometimes we don’t know what words will end up being a goodbye. Something short and simple can mean the world. Be who you are, say the things you feel, and let people feel the things you say.